5 Ways you Can Support A Breastfeeding Partner

Partners can help with breastfeeding too!

Dads & partners can often find the new-born & infant stages difficult, especially if your baby is breast-fed. I have had many conversations with parents in recent years where the dad or partner feels helpless & that there's not much they can do during the initial weeks, or months, of welcoming your new-born.

This doesn't need to be the case!

You can play a much bigger & more hands-on role than society deems. There is so much more to it. You must be willing to learn & establish new routines together that work for your family, especially if your baby suffers from reflux, silent reflux, colic, or even food allergies & sensitivities. These add extra challenges to an already stressful situation.

For some couples this is setting new boundaries or defining new roles withing your relationship; for others it might be less clear cut & more about being aware of your surroundings, actively thinking 'how can I help?', like putting away the laundry or getting the older children ready for bed. It's the small but consistent things that help her feel like you're a team, not her alone.

So, here are some simple & easy ways you can still provide support & comfort for your partner, even if you cannot physically provide for your baby during a feed.

💬TALK TO HER

Communication is vital during this emotionally & physically challenging time. Sleep-deprivation, complete overwhelm & new situations can leave tensions high & communication somewhat lacking.

Being able to tell each other how you are feeling & what you need at any one time allows you to both support & lean on each other when you need to. Trying to work as a team will always be beneficial to the whole family. As useful a skill as it would be, we are not mind readers!

So, encourage open & honest conversations without judgement, show that you are there to support & listen to her however you can, no matter what. It will make her feel like she can ask for what she truly needs rather than worrying about what she has left to do. Don't be afraid to ask what you can do to help. Good communication allows space for a better support system to flourish.

Some ideas include:

~ Ask her what she needs from you while she's nursing - what does she feel needs doing around the house, for example, to reduce additional stress & anxiety

~ Take time to listen to each other as feeling heard encourages easier conversations in the future

~ Sit & talk to her while she breastfeeds - it can be lonely if you are always the one up alone at night or sat away from others to nurse

🥑 Help keep her fed & hydrated

Did you know: breastfeeding mothers need to be drinking at least 100oz water a day to stay hydrated?

This is a lot of water to get through when you're tired & distracted by family life! The same goes for balancing the nutritional needs of herself & baby. It will not be a top priority for her, but eating enough calories to breastfeed & staying hydrated are so important.

Dads can help make meals or assist with meal prep during the day to ensure what you both eat is wholesome & full of all those wonderful nutrients, especially in the evenings & night time. Mum's milk supply & energy will be wavering towards the end of the day, so take extra time to support her during these hours with fluids & snacks, when it won't be front of her mind.

Some ideas include:

~ Bring her a water bottle with a straw, so you can help her sip it when her hands are full

~ Think of snacks that are easily accessible & open, like prepared fruit or nut bowls or things that can be eaten with one hand

~ Put them somewhere she can reach easily from a comfortable feeding position

😴 Be more involved with night feeds

Night feeds are always the hardest, especially in the early weeks. It is not something I think any parent is fully ready for. It will be when you are both completely exhausted & running on empty, but it isn't forever.

The evenings & nights can bring apprehension & dread if your baby is experiencing reflux, silent reflux or colic. They don't use the old phrase 'witching hour' for no reason! If your partner feels supported & is able to share the mental & physical load of repeatedly waking every few hours to wake up, feed, burp, settle baby back down again, then both of you can benefit greatly. These are the little things that can keep her breastfeeding as long as she can or wants to.

Some ideas include:

~ If you hear baby crying first, be the one to go & pick them up, bring baby to mum to nurse so she doesn't have to move too much

~ Be the one to burp, soothe & change the nappy (if needed) afterwards

~ Keep the lighting low & calm so you can all get back to sleep again easily

~ Create a safe & calm space to feed, help her get into a comfortable position - get pillows or a blanket to help

~ Make sure she has fresh water & snacks to hand - if you get into a routine of taking these with you when you go to bed, you can put them by her side of the bed ready for the night feeds to come

🏡 What can you do around the house?

When speaking to parents before writing this blog, the majority of mums said they can find it hard to focus just on feeding their baby as their mind was busy trying to navigate a multitude of things: chores around the house she needed to do, think about what the older child needed whilst she had to be still for up to 30 minutes to feed, what her grocery shopping list was, how much washing she needing to get done, that she hadn't properly cleaned the bathroom in weeks...the list goes on. I am sure this sounds familiar to many reading this.

Anxiety & stress levels can also affect breastfeeding, disrupting the release of the hormone oxytocin (known as the 'happy hormone') for the delivery of milk in the breast. We need that calm state for mum to get all that lovely oxytocin flowing, allowing her & baby to get the most out of their nursing periods.

So, this is where a dad or partner can help share the load. Try to make a conscious effort to be aware of what does & doesn't need doing around the house. Ask her what is high on the priority list to do while she is feeding or taking a nap that you can to do in the background. It will be appreciated more than you may realise.

Some ideas include:

~ While her & baby are feeding or napping, look around the house & see what needs doing - fill or empty the dishwasher, take out the bins, fold the laundry, cut the vegetables for dinner, anything you think may lighten the load

~ If you have older children, consider taking them out to the park or include them in tasks around the house with you, make it fun!

~ Turn on the television, an audiobook, podcast or music, create her a playlist even so she can focus solely on calming herself & feeding baby

👨‍🍼 take baby for dad time

The relentless nature of breastfeeding, burping, keeping your baby upright & content after a feed, putting them down again (if you can with an infant with reflux or colic!) day & night is exhausting. Many mothers feel like they have their baby constantly attached to them, especially if they exclusively breastfeed, feeling like they need space to themselves whilst simultaneously feeling guilty & missing them...parenthood is hard one to get your head around!

To have some time sharing this responsibility between you will benefit both of your mental & physical wellbeing. Your baby will still feel held & safe by the parent holding them but it provides down time for a nursing mother.

There are plenty of ways you can do this, with burping being a big part of reducing reflux (see my IG post on aerophagia). Any or all of these things below give her time to rest, have a shower, catch up on sleep, get dressed, even just make herself a cup of coffee to sit on the porch & drink alone for her own quiet time.

Some ideas include:

~ Offer to be the one who burps baby & helps to soothe or settle them after a feed

~ Take them off to change their nappy

~ Have baby-wearing or skin-to-skin contact naps during the day

~ Make tummy time a fun, explorative playtime with dad, interacting with them & encouraging eye contact to keep them engaged

~ Take baby for a walk during a nap time or stay with baby while she goes for a walk

~ Get the older children involved too!

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If you would like my help, you can email me, download my free reflux symptom tracker, check out my social media pages, or see my post on helping your breastfeeding partner

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Please note - this content is intended for an educational purpose & should not be taken as medical advice. You are encouraged to seek medical advice if you are concerned about any symptoms your baby may have.

I am not affiliated with any links provided & they are intended as a useful resource only.